Or in denial.
And I’m not talking about the river in Egypt.
I’ve heard them all. Now when I hear this stuff, I smirk with glee because I know what the outcome will be. Once this sport sinks it’s claws in — you become one.
All cyclists are liars and here’s my top three cycling lies.
Feel free to add your lie’s in the comments section.
1. Beginners Lie
” I’ll buy a bike, but I’m NEVER wearing that tight pink clothing…”
I’ll be the first to admit. WTF is it with our clothing? Someone needs to revolutionize our cycling attire.
When Marco Pantani rocked up to the 1998 Tour De France in bright pink lycra — I seriously considered badminton.
That said, everyone ends up in some version of lycra eventually.
Newbies start off in denial, making bold statements about wearing rugby shorts and sneakers. After a couple of rides and the saddle sores start developing on their scrote’, consideration moves to “I’ll just get some cycling shorts”
It’s at about the three week point they realize the shirt flapping around in the wind is unsustainable, the sneakers simply aren’t giving enough pull in the upward pedal stroke and the snowboarding helmet just looks silly.
This is where the credit card gets a hammering. If you’re at that stage in the life-cycle of cycling denial, you need to go shopping. Here’s four great online bike shops that I use.
2. Beginners Lie
” I’ll get a bike but I’m NEVER shaving my legs…”
Chris Hoys sexy pins
This one is the all time classic. Nine out of ten new male cyclists to the sport will utter these words at some stage during the early days.
Everyone folds eventually. Everyone ends up shaving their pins.
One great example is a good friend of mine. He’s an ex football player (St Kilda), hard as nails and your typical Aussie’ mans man. At first he used to rib me about wearing lycra/spandex and riding a bike. Now he’s a 400km per week cyclist and loves it.
I gave him 4 weeks before he started shaving his legs. He folded eventually — now his pins are sleeker and shinier than mine.
If you’re riding in the bunches and starting to get serious, it’s only a matter of time before the peer pressure takes affect.
Why do cyclists shave their legs? Common answers are:
- Shaven legs assist Tour riders (or multi-day event cyclists) with massage. Much easier with shaven legs. True.
- Traditional — it’s part of the sport and has been for years. Majority rules. True.
- Speed — It’s a common myth that you go faster. This is garbage. Tell that to a golf ball and it’s dimples. False.
- Road Rash — Another myth is it helps with wound healing after crashing. Hmm.. My arms always healed equally as fast as my legs after all my crashes. I don’t shave my arms and to assume you only lose skin off your legs in a crash is ridiculous. False.
- Vanity — It looks good!! Every male cyclists with bulging veins an muscles wants to show them off. True.
I would say tradition, vanity and peer pressure are all the main reasons for shaving our pins.
3. Intermediate or Advanced Lie
” I’m not doing much training at all…”
Usually spoken by an opponent just before a big race.
As in any social setting, small talk is rife. A common question to ask another cyclist at the start line or simply when you have nothing to talk about is — ” So… doing much training? ”
Almost always, the answer will be about 40% less than what they’re actually doing. They’ll complain about the kids and excess work at the office but the truth is — they’re out doing hill repeats four times a week, sprint efforts and sneaky 5 hour rides on Saturday mornings.
If you’re trying to beat your best mate in that next big race, how are you gonna do that if you’re both training together all week.
You need to get in what we call sneaky km’s.
Get out two hours earlier than him and knock out a snappy 50km. Then meet up at your usual time and when he arrives — yawn and stretch like you’ve just rolled out of bed.
When he asks why you’re sweating, explain that you only just had a shower or you’re nervous about him ripping your legs off. Play on his ego. We men lap that stuff up.
This is a legitimate tactic for achieving success and one that I’ve used regularly. Feel free to use it.
What classic lie’s and statements of denial have you heard?
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Photo credit doublejeopardy
